I was 27, a small town girl living in the city. I had known nothing other than a simple life without drama. Married for 7 years and enjoying a career where I was excelling.
He sat down at my desk and told me I was very smart and would go far in my career. I blushed, smiled and said "thank you."
Weeks passed and he told me I was beautiful. I squirmed, blushed, smiled and said "thank you."
Weeks later he invited me to go out after work for drinks. I squirmed uncomfortably, blushed, smiled and said "no, thank you."
And so it continued. He spent more and more time at my desk. He eventually told me he loved me. He invited me to hotels.
I couldn't hide from him. I couldn't avoid him. The workplace became a stress-place. Compliments became a dreaded enemy.
I never told anyone. Why? I was embarrassed. I internalized it all. "It must be my fault. I must have encouraged him. I was too friendly." I should have put a stop to friendly conversation early on. But it was so gradual.
He was married to a wonderful woman and had 3 small children. I couldn't ruin his family by squealing. And who would believe me anyway?
He was my boss. It would be his word against mine. Who would take my word over his? His boss was a man. And his boss' superior was a man. And so the chain of command continued up a male ladder. They were all men.
I didn't even tell my husband, Keith, for years. For one, what if he asked me to walk away from my career and I had to start all over again. Or even worse, what if he struggled with the same question I was asking myself. "Did I encourage this man?" Would Keith continue to trust me?
Of course, I underestimated Keith. When I finally told him, he could not have been more kind and compassionate. And he has continued to be a champion for women's rights of dignity.
I felt trapped and alone. I was just a little girl handling life as best as I knew how.
I join with thousands and thousands of women who whisper "me too."
The abuse of power is real. It preys on the vulnerable and naive. No one wins.
All of the publicity over the past year, where powerful men are accused of abusing their power for sexual gain, is difficult for the "me toos." Men in power are getting a lot of attention but what about the women? My story is nothing compared to the stories we are hearing. But for many like me, we are reliving our old nightmares. We are asking ourselves the question again, "What should I have done differently?" We come up with answers but remind ourselves that it was a different time. We remember that we were young and felt helpless.
It's hard going back to those memories. Every time a story hit the headlines this year I would ache for the women involved. And then stuff my emotions. But it has only gotten worse. More and more nightmares are being revealed.
I don't have answers. I know it is part of mankind's sin nature. It's why we desperately need a Savior. It's why we need Jesus.
I think one of the reasons why I fell so hard in love with Jesus is because of the dignity he brought to the women of His day. He elevated their status. He first revealed Himself as Messiah to a woman. He first revealed Himself as the Resurrection to a woman. He first revealed Himself as the One who conquered death to a woman. He values women.
I wish we lived in a world where people respect one another. I wish families and marriages were honored and placed before selfish desires. I wish people desired integrity.
I know nothing of the man who once held his power over me. I was able to keep him at arms length. And so I thought that was success. True success would have been bringing his wrong behavior into the light. I can only hope he never tried his antics on another woman.
He moved on and I got a promotion - his job. The first woman to break into the man's world in my company.
And then I moved on. A little broken. A little wiser. Stronger. And with a heart of compassion for women. My experience probably had a lot to do with why I became an advocate for women, why I spent 20 years dedicated to speaking truth into women's lives.
I didn't want to write this. I, like others, will tell you that it's hard to experience but it's also hard to disclose. I write my story in hopes that you can see a bit of the struggle that so many women are experiencing today. Maybe you might understand the outrage. Maybe you might see why women can be slow to trust any organization that is heavy in male leadership. Maybe you get a glimpse of their cries, "Enough!"
It is time. Time for the nightmares to be brought into the light so healing can begin. Individual healing. Corporate healing. We all need Jesus right now!
